Thursday, February 14, 2008

Not sleeping... with tears

I got the email yesterday that the memorial service for BH will be the weekend of Feb 23rd. I wish I could tell you where, but you know that story. It will be a pot luck, with bunches of people getting together to talk story, swap tales and the like.

I live far enough away from the Bay Area that it is a bit of work and planning to go. I lay on my pillow, bouncing back and forth the alternatives. Not to mention, what would I say. Our adventures, the lessons we learned, to our spoken and not yet discovered plans for the future. And I realize, in the dark, with the cat demanding stillness and warmth, that I've had tears falling back my face for an hour. Sleep won't come easy tonight.

And still they fall...

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for this post Ron. I'm hoping to go, though I haven't checked on flights yet. One of the main reasons I want to be there is to meet you and the other folks like Droid who go way back with BH. BH was one of a kind and it has occurred to me that it is probably quite likely that the great man's inner circle is highly unusual as well. I am definitely not a people person, but I find myself thinking that I will regret it if I miss this gathering. I hope this doesn't leave you feeling guilty. You were at the wedding. I wasn't, so nearly everyone there will be someone I have not met.

jansenist

Mark said...

i know bh never actually said he was in the bay area, but reading the sfgate.com article about him and some of his entries gave it away for me. at least he spent his life in one of the most beautiful places on earth~!

peace man

Holly said...

I am sending you my whole heart, Ron. My tears fall with yours. I often think that I am crazy to feel such emotion for BH - a person whom I never met. What right do I have to grieve? But, what a wonder it is that he touched so many like myself! It is truly amazing. Is there a time during that weekend that you can post when we can all gather our energy and thoughts and shoot them out toward you, Droid, BH's wife and children, Ratty, and all who loved him in Real Life? I wanted to write "some profound thing" for you to take to BH's wife. But, I just cannot come up with The Perfect Thing. So, I will just keep sending out all my love.
-Holly

Anonymous said...

http://gigababy.blogspot.com/2008/02/rip-brainhell-ill-miss-you.html

Droid said...

Good old Holly. Thanks Holly.

Ron and Jansenist, I sure hope you both can make it. I do feel that BH was the most unique of all of us, but our mutual friends from high school were the brightest of that bunch, if you ask me. You both seem like very intelligent, caring people, just like BH. I hope you can make it, but if not, I'll be thinking of you then.

Melinda said...

Ron, I have to say that for a person who has never written in a blog, you're doing a wonderful job of it. Beautiful writing - and it's clear it's from the heart. I'm positive you'll find the right things to say for him.
Sending much love & prayers to you - I hope you feel some peace soon.

Anonymous said...

Droid and Ron: I just emailed my contact info to LW so she can forward it to you at her convenience.

It would be nice if we could somehow capture some of the BH stories that will be told at the service and post them to share with BH's worldwide fans.

jansenist

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you all.

Like others, I am rereading Brainy's blog and rediscovering the reasons why his writing grabbed me and wouldn't let go.

He was a good writer with a clear style that was easy to read. He was smart and funny and he told good stories. Through his eloquence, we experienced the strength of his personality and he won our hearts.

As one of BH's stranger-readers, I will miss him. I would dearly love to read any stories his friends and family would be willing to share.

I've just listed to Patti Smith's song, "Grateful", for BH. (From the album, "Gung Ho".)

Josephine

ronolulu said...

Sounds like a good idea. I wonder if someone will tape record or collect comments. Video would be good (for the kids). I'll look into it.

Liz said...

Think of all of you this evening. Missing BH.

Liz

Sis B said...

I still have nights like that, and it's been nearly a year since I lost my friend Julie.

I hope you decided to go. It was a great comfort for me to be in the presence of others who shared the loss, and to hear stories I had never heard and to tell the old familiar tales that are such a part of who I am. That, and we danced to Bon Jovi because she had some unnatural affection for him.

Maybe ya'll can rock out to Joni Mitchell. :)

Droid said...

>Maybe ya'll can rock out to Joni Mitchell. :)

We will be! Our friend, the guitar player, will be playing some Joni Mitchell at the memorial.

I posted on BH's blog about the friend that had gotten BH and I back in contact after several years. This was one of the two guitar players in my first band. BH mentioned at the start of 2004 that "two good pals from high school" had visited him, and how proud he was that one had worked for NASA and helped with the Mars rover; the two pals were me and this guitar player, who was the one who worked on the Mars rover.

I recall listening to Joni with the guitar player, years ago. We had a singer back in the early 80s who was the hugest biker you've ever seen, but he loved Joni Mitchell, bless his heart.

The guitar player visited BH just before he died, and played some mandolin for him.

I had also posted about having avoided listening to the Joni tunes between the last time I saw BH and the night he died. But then, the night he died, my Ipod shuffle kept lighting on Joni songs. Really strange, though I only had a few dozen Joni songs on it, out of some 1200 songs, the shuffle kept lighting on them. So finally, I said, "oh--just listen to them," and went back to the song I'd just skipped past. The song was "Both Sides Now." Though I didn't know it at the time, it was playing around the very time that BH passed away.

My guitar player will be playing Both Sides Now.

Brenda from Flatbush said...

Agree with Holly--how can I be this torn up over the loss of someone I never met? Then I realize: "never met" is an absurdity. BH was a magnificent writer and through his blog shared the gift of his authentic self in all its pain and complexity. His blog, taken in its entirety, (this may sound pompous, but I really believe that it is true) represents one of the greatest triumphs of the human spirit to come out of the Internet age: a real-time journey to an unthinkable place, a legacy for friends and family, a lasting portrait of courage, joy and love. All shared with us "strangers" with a strange mix of abandon and anonymity. It was an honor to know him, and I send you who knew him in person my love and prayers and thanks. I never linked to BH on my own blog--wasn't sure if that was within the rules--but I just put up a little tribute (www.crazystable.squarespace.com). And his sexy picture.

Droid said...

Love can be communicated through any medium.

Fi said...

Thinking of you all today, the 23rd,as you who knew him all gather to pay tribute to BH. I know we are all there with you in spirit .

Sylvia said...

Today as all of BH's family and friends gather to celebrate his life I wish all of you peace, love and happiness. All of the wonderful stories that will be told - humorous, sarcastic, intelligent, courageous,loving - is anyone taking notes for a book?

Holly said...

Just checking in here to send love to all on this memorial day for BH. I posted a more lengthy post over on BH's blog as I was up late last night on Fever Watch over my girls. This is a day to make me smile and cry. And, my daughters are asking why, but I don't have the words to adequately convey my feelings and emotions on the level of my little treasured girls. I have squeezed them tightly to me, as a tribute from BH to his two precious treasures. As I have done so many times before after reading BH's words to and about his children.
All who gather together today to honor BH, please feel us sitting with you.
Love from Colorado -Holly

jmb said...

Thinking of you all today as you celebrate the life of Brainhell, that very special person whom we knew only by his words.

How extra special in person he must have been for his friends and family.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you all today.

Josephine

Echomouse said...

Thinking of BH and Ratty and all the friends and family.

Anonymous said...

yes, along with everyone,
I am sending my love and thoughts for the memorial
of our very loved BH.

Cathi